Chapter 3

            There I was four years old standing in the middle of my bedroom playing peacefully it seemed with some harmless dolls. I looked down at the writing on the bottom of the Polaroid, ‘No Flash.’ The next picture was labeled with the same date, but it said ‘Flash’. I glanced at the pure white photo, trying to gather what it meant. I flipped back to the last picture, and looked at the lights. There wasn’t any on. The one on the stand was off, and so was the one on the ceiling.  

            I went back to the first picture that was there in the scrap book that was in the folder. It was just a baby swaddled in a blanket, nothing weird, and then there were no other pictures of me until these ones. I held my breath as I went to the next page afraid of what I would see. There were some newspaper clippings showing a huge sink hole. I briefly glanced at the article saying that there used to be a home there, but with the flooding of the area it caused a sink hole to open. ‘The Turner’s were extremely lucky that they weren’t home at the time that the home had disappeared in the hole. That would ultimately explain why there were no other photos of me. Our home was gone when I was only a year old according to the date on the clipping.

            As I flipped the page over I saw a smaller folder labeled ‘Medical Records-Copy’.  I turned it over not wanting to read them yet. I was more into just looking at what the folder contained instead of actually going through it. Next was my parents death certificates, and after that some more newspaper clippings. These ones were about the car accident. I sighed and pushed forward to the next page which only had a label indicating what I would find next ‘Drawings’. I groaned as I seen that the rest of the book was filled with different kinds of papers. It appeared that there were only my childhood drawings left. I closed the folder and my forehead landed on it with a light thud.

            “Tough reading?” A voice chimed, but low enough that it didn’t echo in the vacant library. I knew the voice and it seemed more like a dream than reality.

            I kept my head on the folder as I answered thinking that it was still only a dream, “Tough reading for someone who doesn’t care to even read it.”

            “And the Greek Mythology? Is that a preferred text?” He continued.

            Now a little more concerned that I wasn’t actually dreaming I glanced up to see Lucifer standing in front of me wearing just a plain white t-shirt and jeans instead of the suit that he was wearing last night. I found myself staring into beautiful golden eyes again with only a few locks of black hair falling down over his face, “Holy crap!”

            A huge smile stretched over his face, “I’ve seen a lot of things in my life time, but holy feces are something that I have yet to find. I must say though that is not the greeting that I had been expecting.”

            Now too embarrassed to show my face I covered it with my hands, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you were really there.”

            “Does that mean that you are dreaming about me?” With his question I peered through my fingers to find him flipping the pages of the mythology book stopping at my bookmark.

            “Not yet, but if I were it would be definitely be better than what I have been seeing in my dreams lately.” I confessed bringing my hands down pulling the folder closer to me hoping that he wouldn’t look at it as he had with the book.

            After glancing over the page that was marked he sat it back down, and leaned over on the counter bringing his eyes directly into mine, “Well, we have to change that, don’t we?”

              I was lost in the golden wonder that was his eyes unknowing how to respond to his statement. They turned up slightly when he smiled in response to my silence. There was something so pleasant and satisfying about these eyes, but in that moment I started wondering about the red eyes that I had first seen him with. Was it just something that I had imagined?

            “Of all the careers here in this town, I didn’t picture you as the librarian type, but your silence changes my opinion a bit.” He pulled himself a way from me allowing me to realize that I needed to breathe, “A librarian, who lives with a man who is not her boyfriend, reads about Apollo, and likes portraits of woman who look just like they’ve just been through Hell. I almost forgot who wishes she could dream of me over her own nightmares. You are by far the most interesting librarian I have ever met.”

            “Um, thank you, I think.”

            “You are most definitely welcome.” He smiled showing a perfect wondrous smile, “Now it is nine o’clock, how about some dinner?”

            I closed my eyes wishing that I could leave and go to dinner with him, but he must know that I couldn’t do that, “I can’t. I have to work, as you can see.”

            “Yes, I can, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t bring some food to you.” He bent over and picked something up off of the floor beside him. I stood up trying to peer over the counter to see what it was. He brought a brown paper bag up to the counter and reached inside pulling out a plastic container full of fruit, “It isn’t much, but I figured you haven’t had a fresh fruit salad for quite sometime.”

            “And what makes you think something like that?” I blurted out and instantly regretted it.

            “You can see it in your skin.” He ran his finger over my hand, “Fruit will rejuvenate it, that and it is healthy for you.”

            “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It is very nice, thank you.” I tried to smile, but right now I just wanted to slap myself for being so cruel to him. “I’m not actually allowed to eat out here, but if you want to come back into the office.”

            “You have an office?” He lifted the bowl up and followed me to the edge of the counter looking around, trying to figure out where it was I was sure.

            I nodded towards a small room at the back of the library, “It isn’t mine. It is more of a room just to eat or whatnot, but Mrs. Tillman, the director likes to call it the office.”

            As we began walking together, it was the same as last night. He was walking what seemed to be just a step behind me, but yet close enough that he was almost touching me. When he noticed me looking back at him he finally interrupted the silence of the library again, “Are you studying Greek Mythology or just reading it for your own pleasure.”

            “Oh, I’m not a student here.” I pushed the door open to the little room. “But it wasn’t really something that I would just read for pleasure either. I was just trying to figure something out.”

            “And that would be?” He smiled putting the fruit on the table and pulling a chair out for me.

            I took the seat offered to me and watched him as he took the seat across the table, “Are you always this gentleman like?”

            He was silent while studying me as I lifted the lid off of the fruit. He clasped his hands together and leaned over on the table causing it to shift slightly. “Not always, but I am trying very hard to be for you. Since you ignored my question I’ll take it that whatever you are trying to figure out is kind of personal?”

            “It is.” I removed my eyes from his as I answered hoping that he wouldn’t pry any further into it. I turned to find a fork in the drawer of the filing cabinet rummaging through the paper plates and cups down until I found the plastic silverware. “So why are you trying to be a gentleman just for me?”

            “Because I think that you deserve a gentleman and everything that he can give you.” He carefully ran his fingers through his black hair allowing his eyes to become much brighter in the light.

            I couldn’t help but frown as I stabbed a piece of apple with the fork. I hated the idea of him not being who he truly was just because of me. I haven’t had many chances to have a date or anything like that with a guy because of Dave always being around, and now everything was just getting ruined because he wasn’t being himself. Even though I did like him I didn’t want to like someone I truly didn’t know.

            I turned the apple around on the fork not really hungry now. I remembered at the art gallery last night that he had told me that the woman in the painting had vowed to kill him. Afraid of who I was beginning to like I finally decided to ask, “Who are you really then?”

            He seemed to be searching for the right words through my eyes, and I turned my attention back to the apple because I wanted the truth not something that he would say just to make me believe him. I began bracing myself in the silence of the room afraid that he wouldn’t tell me. I fought myself from looking up incase he might have left. He had appeared without a sound, I’m sure that he would leave without one as well.

            “Bree,” With his voice coming through the silence I nearly jumped losing the fork and apple, “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

            “That’s alright,” I said picking up the fork, and finally looking up towards him again.

            There was a sense of sadness looming through his eyes as he began speaking, “Just as every human being I have been graced with a chance to chose who I am or will be in this world. There was a time when I lived with such vengeance that I had abandoned who I truly was. I had declared war on everything that was great and good when I had lost her, but years after I had forgotten her face she was brought back into my life. Our time was short together, but she made me see what I had truly become. There was nothing good left inside of me except for her. I should have known it was her, but I didn’t and I broke her anyway. Now I vow to be the man she deserves and nothing less of a God will do.

            I have painted her face everyday since she was taken from me so that I won’t forget her beauty again. It has been so long since I could look upon her beauty, but never capture it completely. The lovely brown hair falling down around her face framing it perfectly and the drops of jade inside her eyes still doesn’t compare to the beautiful light shining off of her luscious skin. It is there in her eyes that I find Heaven though, and for her I will bring Heaven to Earth just so she doesn’t have to feel pain any longer.”

            By the time he had stopped speaking his eyes lost their misery and gained hope as he stared at me intently. I was lost in his description of his love for her, but in the same moment felt almost jealous of her. I couldn’t understand, if he loved her so much, how he could hurt her like he had painted. He took everything away from her allowing her love turn into complete revulsion. Even if he claims to be nothing less than a God for her the evil that he had become will still lurk inside of him. Love is cruel especially between them it would seem. If not love, life was. “How was she taken from you?”

            He sighed and picked up the fork out of my bowl, “By her will she gave her life so that I may live. I watched as Heaven and Hell fought for what she held inside her, but I rose up over the evil inside of me vowing only to be what she might need. I am here now of my own choice, and I don’t have to be that evil that took her life from her.”

            After staring at the apple while he spoke, he finally took a bite as if it was love that he was savoring, “You speak as if she is going to come back from death.”

            “You can devour the sweetness of each apple that is given to you, but unless you plant the seed you will never have one that belongs only to you.” After I had given an odd look wondering what he was talking about he finally explained, “I have loved many, many women in the course of my life, but I placed a piece of my soul into her forever making her mine.”

            “Yes, but how would that bring her back to life like you hope?” I tried to figure out what he was meaning, but none of it was making any sense to me.

            He picked up a strawberry with his fingers reaching forward willing to feed it to me, “I know God better than most, and I know that he couldn’t hold her in Heaven forever. If he would have tried to then he would have a larger fight than he could handle keeping her from me.”

            I almost crossed him off as a loony right then and there, but with the convictions of his words there was something so sensible in what he was saying. I could almost watch him fight his way through Heaven or Hell just to find her. He vowed to bring her back against God and the devil. “What made her so unique that you would love her until the end of the world?”

            “She promised her life and her love until the end of days whether she knows it or not now. Her soul will know who she truly is. Sacrificing her life twice for me without question is more than any other would do and all I have to offer is my love to her.” Lucifer lifted a piece of apple to my lips, “Now that I have said this all out loud, she deserves more than I have to give.”

            After finishing the bite of apple I looked at him trying to remember everything that he had just said, “But didn’t you vow to bring Heaven down to Earth for her?”

            “A world of no pain, suffering, or sickness and filled with only love, happiness and light that never ceases.” He raised his hand to his lips and closed his eyes as he envisioned it, “Walking down the cobblestone street hand in hand, and my other arm around our son.”

            “Your son?” I gasped. Was that the seed that he was talking about? Placing his soul into her? “You didn’t say you two had a son. How old is he?”

            “God took him from me when he took her, but he wasn’t given a second chance. God had seen him as everything that he would need and kept him there in Heaven.” The first unguarded smile finally appeared, “He knew just as I did that with my son’s birth would truly set the end of days in motion.”

            I was beginning not to believe anything he was saying, but I would admit that it was one of the best stories I had heard in a long time. It reminded me of when I would watch old fairy tale movies, and the undying love of the characters. The one thing that I had no doubt about was the fact that he had loved this woman more than the world would obviously allow and that is why she had lost her life. Unlike the fairy tales that I was used to this one was just like Romeo and Juliet with a tragic end. He wholeheartedly believed that he would find her again, but I feared that he never would. The sadness that loomed through his eyes when he first started telling me this story had now transferred into me.

            Lucifer rolled his head between his shoulders, “Well, it is getting late, may I have the honor of walking you home?”

            I peered out the glass of the door from my seat at the clock on the wall. It was already half past ten. I had completely lost track of the time sitting here listening to his story, but it wasn’t like I had anything better to do. “I have to go shut everything off. Would you just give me a minute?”

            “I’ll take that as a yes that I can take you home then?” Turning in his seat Lucifer flashed a huge smile.

            I held myself up with the doorway as I leaned back into the room, “To my apartment.”

            “Of course,” The light flashed in his eyes, “Like I said, a complete gentleman.”

            “Okay then.”

            The chill in the air was worse than last night, but then again it was nearly midnight now. I wrapped my arms tight around my waist trying to keep the heat within my body, but I wasn’t so sure it was. Lucifer continued walking beside me as if the cold air wasn’t even bothering him. “Are you used to the cold weather?”

            “No, but this isn’t too bad yet. I heard that it snows here in the winter.” He removed his eyes from the sky above him and brought them down to me, “Wow, you’re really cold aren’t you?”

            “I’ll be fine. It isn’t too much further.” I spoke without chattering my teeth trying to show him that I could handle it, but I had made a mental note to bring a jacket tomorrow night. “It does snow here, each and ever winter without mercy.”

            Lucifer slowed his pace and as I turned to see what he was doing. Before I could completely turn around to see what exactly he was up to his hands were running up and down my arms. “You are like a frozen ice cube.”

            I completely stopped making him run into me, “I can’t walk with you behind me like that. It’s just weird.”

            “Alright, come here.” Just then he quickly came to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist brining me in closer to him. I placed my hands on his side keeping them between us as we walked. It didn’t feel right being this close to him. The only man who was ever this close to me was Dave, and Dave had a different build to him. Dave was more muscular, and thicker. Lucifer was slim yet well-built too. I could feel the curves of his chest underneath his shirt. The warmth from his body began filling me and before I knew it my head was against his chest as well. It most definitely didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either. “You aren’t shivering now.”

            “Thank you.” My hand followed the curvature of his body around to his back, and I allowed it to rest between the muscles surrounding his lower back. “You are nice and warm.”

            “Can I ask you something?” I felt his voice rise up from inside of him which allowed me to feel the rhythm of his voice instead of hear it which was a nice difference.

            “Anything,” I agreed hoping that I could keep him talking now.

            Lucifer tightened the muscle in his arm bringing me in closer to him, “Why a librarian?”

            “Oh,” It wasn’t a question that I was expecting, “I was told that my mother was a librarian so I volunteered at the local library while I was in high school hoping that it would help me get closer to her in a way that didn’t work. But after we had graduated Dave got the scholarship to come here and it was the only work experience I had, well, you understand right?”

            “Why aren’t you a student?” I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t look up. I kept my head placed perfectly on his chest listening to his voice.

            “I don’t have the money or the resources to go, but working as a librarian isn’t too bad. If I wanted to I could read all those books that they come into study, and learn just as much. The pay and hours aren’t too bad either so I don’t complain.” I pushed my ear into his chest waiting for his reply.

            “What would you rather do? If you could do anything, what would you chose?” I closed my eyes and let him guide me as I ran the music of his voice through my mind again.

            It didn’t take me long to realize that in order for me to hear his voice resonating from within him I would have to answer, but I didn’t have one, “I don’t know. I never thought about my future like that. I don’t think that I would fit into anything other than what I am doing.”

            “To understand your future you have to understand your past. Your past is clouded, isn’t it?” I couldn’t stop my eyes from wandering to his now, relieved though that I could keep my ear placed firmly against him, “You will never find your meaning in this life unless you discover where you came from.”

            “That is easy to say and a lot harder to do.” I admitted bringing my eyes back down to the street realizing that we were getting closer to the apartment. “We are almost there. Do you want me to have Dave give you a ride to wherever you are staying?”

            “No, I am enjoying this night under the stars.” He paused and I could feel him glancing up at them, “Plus if I walk then I will have time to think.”

            “We are here.” I stopped him right in front of the door that led up to the apartment, “Time to think about what?”

            Lucifer pulled himself away from me, and I reluctantly let go of him. He lifted my eyes to his, “About you. What are you doing tomorrow around noon?”

            “Nothing that I know of, relaxing I guess.” Without him next to me I could feel the air finding its way back inside of my skin.

            “I’ll be back tomorrow around noon. We can go out for lunch and talk some more.” He leaned over placing his lips against the skin of my forehead, “I hope that you have better sweeter dreams tonight. Now go inside before you get too cold out here again.”

            “Good night.” I said as I found the door handle allowing myself into the doorway backwards unwilling to turn around removing him from my sight. “Tomorrow then?”

            “Tomorrow at noon,” He waved slightly and kept the smile on his face as he turned to leave. I refused to shut the door until I saw him crossing the street and turning the corner. When I finally couldn’t see him I shut the door and walked up the stairs into the apartment.

            I opened the door expecting Dave to be sitting on the couch playing his video games, but the living room was completely empty. The TV was off as well as all the lights except for the lamp sitting on the stand next to the door. I looked over at it finding a note with Dave’s chicken scratch:

           

Hey,

I was waiting for you to get home, but it was getting too late and I wasn’t feeling that great. I’ll see you tomorrow sometime maybe.  Dave

P.S. I met that dude from the art thingy again. He didn’t seem so weird today. Night Bree.

            I smiled at Dave’s simplicity. Of course he ran into Lucifer today, how else, would he have found out where I was working? I picked up the pen beside the note. I jotted on the bottom of the sheet, Night Dave.

            At least he would have known that I read it. I put the pen back down and watched as it rolled off the stand. I refused to bend over and picked it up instead I just glared at it. Finally after a moment I headed towards my room. Inside I found her portrait still sitting against my dresser facing my bed. I dropped my bag on the floor and sat down in front of her. “What did he do to you? And how did you have the strength afterwards to save him?”

            Even if I didn’t completely believe his story I know that he loved her more than the world itself. It wasn’t as he had said it, but I’m sure that somehow he broke her heart beyond repair. Her love never fell so much as to let him die though.

            I reached up onto my nightstand and turned on the music. In the same motion I grabbed my pillow off of my bed. I balled my pillow up and lay down on the floor with her. I ran everything that he had said tonight again through my mind listening to the music playing in the background.